Conversations with Vladmir...Putkin

Before moving on to Jodie Foster, a few comments about the politics of the day.

I am one of those people who tends to blame EVERYTHING on George Bush...the war in Iraq, the health care mess, the economy, deficit spendiing, the weather, etc.

So, in that vein, here's the following:

"Hello, Vladmir?"

"Yes, George. What may I do for you today?"

"Well, Vladmir, we've got another problem with the news cycle."

"Again, George?"

"Yeah, well, Karl's been running loose again."

"Ah...I see. What is the problem?"

"Well, he put out this phony story about McCain and its on the verge of being traced back to him. We need to get it off the front pages ASAP."

"Hmmm? Why would Karl put out a phony story on McCain? I thought he was the presumptive nominee of your Party?"

"Yeah...it's kinda complicated...maybe I'd better put Karl on the line. You know, I really don't like to get into details. I am the Chief Decider. Delegate is what I say. Delegate and then look into their eyes, right Valdmir?"

"You are a wise and courageous man George. I have learned much from you. Now, put Karl on."

"Hi, Vladmir. We haven't talked in a while..."

"Not since Dan Rather, Karl. What is it this time?"

"Well, Vladmir, we put out this story on McCain, via the New York Times, that implied he's had an affair with a lobbyist."

"Ah...a man?"

"No...no Vladmir...a woman lobbyist, who represented clients he did favors for."

"And this is a damaging story? I don't see the scandal."

"Actually, Vladmir, that's sort of the point...there is no point...no real scandal."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

"Yes...well...it was basically a pointless story, but the story would dominate the news cycle and could never actually hurt McCain, because it wasn't true."

"Ah. And why would you want to dominate the news cycle with a false story about your Party's nominee?"

"To help Hillary."

"Ah...the hated Billary. But why would you want to help your rival?"

"Because we'd rather run against her than Obama and she's in very deep doo-doo at the moment. Even Bill has said that unless she can win in the Texas and Ohio primaries, she's out."

"Yes...and how does this relate to the McCain story?"

"That's the clever part...he'll be on the front page instead of Obama. If Obama keeps dominating the news, he's liable to win the Democratic nomination. It really shuts down the Big Mo for him."

"Ah yes...the all important Big Mo. I see...you are attacking McCain with a story that will be proven false, to prevent Obama from winning the Democratic nomination, giving the nomination to your arch foe Hillary Clinton, whom you expect McCain to beat."

"Well, Vladmir, it's a little more complicated than that, because no one expects McCain to actually win, even if the Democrats ran Donald Duck...but that's sort of the general idea at the moment. You know what we say...control the process; control the result."

"Hmmm? Your democracy works in strange ways, but we are trying to learn. So, what can I do for you?

"Well...we were thinking about a small fire at the U.S. embassy in Belgrade. Nothing serious. No one gets hurt...just set a few fires, break some furniture, that sort of thing."

"It can be done...with no more than a few cases of good Russian Vodka in the right hands, but how does it help?"

"It will take the McCain story off the front pages."

"But I thought you wanted it on the front pages?"

"We did, but not at the expense of an investigation at the New York Times that exposes our connection."

"Ah...but Judith Miller is gone...you have a second mole at the Times?"

"The Vice President hasn't authorized me to reveal that, Valdmir. Let's just say the McCain story threatens to outlive its usefulness, but we don't want to go back to Obama."

"Karl...you make us blush with envy at your talent for misdirection. Our forgery of the Rather letters about George worked well, no?"

"Perfect Vladmir. Once the letters were exposed as forgeries, no one ever questioned the content. We forged the truth. Perfect."

"Well, we try and be helpful. You may count on Belgrade. Goodbye Karl."

"Would you like to say goodbye to George?"

"No, that won't be necessary. We've looked into each others eyes and have seen our souls."